Up and Down

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster lately. I just want to take Pnut somewhere and have them "fix" the problem. I know there is no such miracle cure for Autism, but it seems to be getting worse instead of better. When we got the diagnosis three years ago I thought I was dealing with it pretty well and ready to do everything possible to help my little man. The Psychologist gave us great hope that with the right intervention by the time he was 6 or 7 he would blend and most likely no one would ever know any difference. We went through the school, even ended up getting advice from a lawyer to get more services. We have never got everything we asked, not even close, but I was still hopeful. We continued outside therapy to assist with his progress. Three and a half years later, he is almost 7 and we have gone backwards. After meeting with the same Psychologist she confirmed he has regressed instead of progressing. It is so disheartening, but I knew this was the case which is why I scheduled the appointment. I have always felt, due in part to the response of others, that I make more of his issues than they really are. Not anymore, I now that it's not in my head there are real issues it just takes someone to stop judging and look at the whole picture. I just feel I sat idle too long and now we have a long road ahead of us to correct the issues. I fought off the medication for as long as I could and finally caved and began going through the motions with the Psychiatrist. I feel yet again I have failed him but I know he needs extra help to be able to slow down enough to let the behavioral therapies help him learn coping mechanisms. I go through these phases where I read an article and I try this or that but I really have not stuck with anything long enough to make any kind of difference. I really need someone to keep me on target, which is really not saying a lot for my perseverance. It's not that I don't want to help him, Lord knows I want to make things right for him. It is not about making it easier on me it is about getting him what he needs. I go through these pity phases and pretty much curl up in a ball. I can't let myself do that anymore! I really need to kick myself in the behind and keep kicking!! Consider this my kick!