Up and Down

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster lately. I just want to take Pnut somewhere and have them "fix" the problem. I know there is no such miracle cure for Autism, but it seems to be getting worse instead of better. When we got the diagnosis three years ago I thought I was dealing with it pretty well and ready to do everything possible to help my little man. The Psychologist gave us great hope that with the right intervention by the time he was 6 or 7 he would blend and most likely no one would ever know any difference. We went through the school, even ended up getting advice from a lawyer to get more services. We have never got everything we asked, not even close, but I was still hopeful. We continued outside therapy to assist with his progress. Three and a half years later, he is almost 7 and we have gone backwards. After meeting with the same Psychologist she confirmed he has regressed instead of progressing. It is so disheartening, but I knew this was the case which is why I scheduled the appointment. I have always felt, due in part to the response of others, that I make more of his issues than they really are. Not anymore, I now that it's not in my head there are real issues it just takes someone to stop judging and look at the whole picture. I just feel I sat idle too long and now we have a long road ahead of us to correct the issues. I fought off the medication for as long as I could and finally caved and began going through the motions with the Psychiatrist. I feel yet again I have failed him but I know he needs extra help to be able to slow down enough to let the behavioral therapies help him learn coping mechanisms. I go through these phases where I read an article and I try this or that but I really have not stuck with anything long enough to make any kind of difference. I really need someone to keep me on target, which is really not saying a lot for my perseverance. It's not that I don't want to help him, Lord knows I want to make things right for him. It is not about making it easier on me it is about getting him what he needs. I go through these pity phases and pretty much curl up in a ball. I can't let myself do that anymore! I really need to kick myself in the behind and keep kicking!! Consider this my kick!

Trying something New

Ok, Summer is a VERY TRYING time of year. I knew Pnut would have some issues adjusting from the school schedule to the less scheduled summer, but I really didn't think it would be like this. I am at a loss for ways to help him.

He has become obsessed with anything electronic. Comupters, gaming systems, calculators....you get the picture. I know everyone says their kids are addicted and obsessed with games, even typical kids. I know they are trying to make light of it and make it seem "normal". I just can not get them to understand the extent of his obsession. He can talk of nothing else. He wakes up asking to play a game, and all day long that is all he can talk about. If you tell him no he can't play a game he goes crazy, screaming, hitting and kicking. He just totally looses it, We make him earn game time at home, but when his time is up he looses it. Throwing anything in sight, including chairs, and comes out hitting and kicking. I have expressed concern with his therapists and they feel we are looking at OCD. We have an appointment with the psychiatrist, but it is two months away. I am not a big fan of medicating my child and have thus far stuck to behavioral therapies. We recently started delving into some vitamin suppliments. Omega 3 is supposed to help with behavior in children with ADD and ADHD, which most kids on the spectrum also have, so we started that. No change as of yet.

Our newest adventure will begin in a week and a half. We are meeting with a Chairopractor. I know what you are thinking, but we are exploring all options. A friend usese her and she reccomended we talk to her from a nutrition standpoint. I have talked with her and got a little better understanding of what she does. I am intrugued about the information she can gather from the hair analysis she does. If I can help him come back to the real world and eliminate his anger without chemicals I am going to explore it.

I am sure everyone I talk to is sick of hearing about Autism, behavior issues, suppliments and such. I am so sorry my mind has been on one track this summer. This is the worst I have seen him and it frankly scares the crap out of me. I feel like I am loosing my child. He is typically such a sweet loving child and I want him back!

Long time....gone by way too fast!

I know it's been a REALLY long time since I have posted anything at all on here. So much so that my header is not coming up. Is it that I haven't had much to say? Life getting in the way? Both! Things are crazy now, Peanut is in Elemetary school and Sweet Pea started 3K so I thought I would have lots of time to get things done. Not so much. I feel like the days are all blending together. Whoever hit the fast forward button needs to stop.

A much needed girls trip is scheduled in less than a week and a half so maybe I can catch my breath. The trip is going to be awesome, I just can't get myself to stop thinking about the mess I will come home to. My hubby is wonderful with the boys when it is just them, he just forgets to do the stuff around the house. Maybe he will surprise me with a clean house when I get back. Dare I dream?

AWESOME GIVEAWAY!

So I really want to win this and I will be posting and entering as many times as I can. I know my chances are slim since there are so many of us TWIHARDS, but I still got to try!!!!!

http://www.birminghammommy.com/2009/11/twerds-tweeks-its-time-for-new-moon.html

Just getting it off my chest

I can't stand LIARS!!! If there is one thing in this world that ticks me off it is for someone to blatantly lie to me! You know who you are so I'm not naming names, feel the burn when you read this because you know you are WRONG! Not only did you lie to me, but you lied about me! I tried to be your friend but you make that impossible. We invited you to hang out with us and you always had an excuse, but when we don't invite you you get upset. WTH!! I listened to you constantly talk about "the other group" and worry about what they were doing and tried to help you feel you were part of a group also and it's ok for them to do things together because we all did. Little did I know your obsession with that group was because you so desperately wanted to be in that group and our group of friends wasn't good enough for you. I'm done, you create your own karma and just remember what you do comes back to you three fold. No that is not a threat, it is just the way the universe works. And don't forget those people you are reaching out to now, they will catch on too!

I'm good with me. I feel I have done everything possible to reach out to you and be a friend. I hope one day you find what you are looking for.

Political Bull

I was in a conversation last night and it really made me think about a lot that has been said in the last few months during this election. I do not pretend to know everything nor do I think I am always right, but I am entitled to my opinion and my vote. I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat, I do not believe in settling with a party that agrees with some of my views so I do not call myself either. Truth be known I have taken quizzes in the past and I align with the Libertarians, but we know that there are really only two parties here that control everything so I will focus on that. There are a few things that really disturbed me so I am asking you to shed some light on these issues if you can.

1. What is with straight party ballot voting? Do you research all the candidates? Do you know what they stand for. In my opinion a vote should be based on the issues and if the candidate will do the job. There were some races I didn't like either candidate so I didn't vote because I couldn't decide who was the "lesser evil" Why would you want to put someone in a position if you are unsure of the job they will do. I have heard the phrase "My views typically align with ________ party so I just always vote ________" Well what if in that election the person who is running does not align with your views and you missed that fact because you just blankly voted, I know this sounds harsh and you will probably think it's rude but you will hear it more than once from me, but voting strictly by party affiliation and not the issues is irresponsible. (just my opinion)

2. I did not grow up in the south and I was not raised to look at people based on their color, authenticity or religion so maybe that is why I don't get this. How is it ok for a black person to vote for Obama just because he is black, but not for someone to not vote for him because he is black. Both are forms of racism in my opinion. Again people it is about the issues here, NOT COLOR! Again irresponsible voting.

3. Why do you base your vote on something that personally does not affect you, or is not really going to affect the person in the office that term. Case in point the hot button issue of abortion. Now let me just state, I am pro-choice but not pro-abortion. I do not feel it should be a government issue. Now partial birth abortions is another thing, to me that is just murder. Truthfully, think about it would you ever have an abortion? If not then it really does not affect you life so it should be a non issue in this case. In all honesty it is not the President who decides on RoevWade it is the Supreme Court. Yes the President appoints the members of the court, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no one about to retire or die in the next four years so again their views on abortion are a non issue in this election.

I won't get into some of the other issues, these are the few that I think are non partisan so I can get slammed by both parties equally for my opinions.

One of those stories

This is one of those stories that is so cute you have to share it with the world. Peanut has not napped in some time and I never get anything done around the house, so today I told him if he wasn't going to nap he was going to help clean. To my surprise he was eager to help. He grabbed the broom and attempted to sweep the floor, then took the duster and dusted a few things. It came time to empty the dishwasher and apparently the dishes were still a little warm. He immediately went to the drawer and grabbed some oven mits and began unloading the dishes. How smart is this kid! I had to run and grab the camera, this was most definitely a Kodak moment.

Pretend play

This may seem a little silly, but I just had to post this video! I had to get the hubby to film it because he already saw me with the camera and started posing. What is the big deal? Well he is now pretend playing, all his speech in this video is spontaneous, and no dialogueing!!!! Huge step!! Over the last two weeks I have seen this really emerge and I am just busting at the seams with happiness. He finally knows what to do with his toys and that they are not just objects to throw or kick around.

School is here

Yea! School has finally started. Hubby are I were hoping the structure would settle Peanut down since he does so well with structure. So far, no such luck. His teacher said he is impulsive, she has trouble keeping him to task and he gets up and wanders. HMMM, those were the things we kept trying to get the school board last year to recognize and they said we were nuts and he didn't do any of those things. I commented to his teacher that they kept telling us last year that he had no such issues and she said maybe it was because 3K is a lot more relaxed and they geat more play time.

Good news though we have a new speech therapist and new case manager this year. They came before school started to the house and worked with him here so they get a sense of how he is outside of school.

I just hope that the ABA therapist is able to shed some light for us. This week has been HELL! Every day he comes home he is so wired and MEAN! We have two more weeks before she comes to observe him, I hope she goes to the school before then.

This may be a long year for us, I was so hoping for the best and that he would be able to be mainstream next year. The way things are right now I just don't see it happening. Why did they not listen??!!!

A boy and his fish - Wordless Wednesday

Hanging out and having fun

Blue Momma left Punkin over at our house the other day and the boys all had a ball






We danced and sang until they were all worn out and wanted to rest.

How cute are they!?

How Does yours fit?

So late last night I was doing my Sudoku puzzle and look up to see hubby is watching a program on bbc about large breasts. (I know he is such a perv!) I'm half listening and the one girl (only 19) was getting fitted for a bra, and was told that the one she had was all wrong. Did you know that most women don't buy bras that are the right fit? Most women get a size and stick with it through out their whole life. This intrigued me, so I put down the puzzle and listened. The girl went in there thinking she was a 32EE and come to find out she is actually a 30G. Huge, I know! The lady explained that the bra should come around the back in a straight line and if it raises up it is too small. She also said that you should feel the underwire on your ribs and there should be no gap in the front.

I was actually "measured" at Victoria Secret once and told that the size thought I wore was wrong, I just thought the little girl was inexperienced. I did buy the size she said thinking this would never fit , but to my surprise it fit much more comfortably than my other ones.

So this leads to my question....How does yours fit and have you been measured before? Am I the only dork that waited until I was in my 30's before I got a proper fitting bra.

The switch has been flipped

No it is not a bad switch either! I read so many books on Autism that said sometimes a switch just flips and they begin to talk, well I think Peanuts switch has been flipped!

Last Sunday I told him after therapy Monday we were going to the Zoo. (which he recently developed a love for) I have a friend in town and she knows the Hospital Manager there so we got a "special tour". All the way to therapy he was in the back seat just jabbering away about snakes and seals. My friend said "does he ever stop talking" I told her he has NEVER done this before. He did fairly well at therapy they said they could tell he was excited, but he did good.

Well the conversation went on and on with him, yes I said conversation. He actually had a conversation with me. I asked a few questions and he actually answered, then he asked a few questions!

HOW AWESOME IS THAT!

The talking has continued since then. We had VBS this week and I would ask "what did you do today" and HE ANSWERED! Now it wasn't in detail, but this is a kid who just a few weeks ago would to say "Yea what you do" when asked that question. I was told "I sing songs" and "I play games".

AWESOME I TELL YOU!

Monday he woke up and didn't feel good. He told me "Momma I reawwy sick". I tucked him in with a blanket and let him watch tv. (usually not time for tv in the morning) Next he told me "Momma ears hurt". This in hand I called the Doctor and made an appointment, he has an ear infection.

HOW AWESOME IS IT THAT HE WAS ABLE TO COMMUNICATE THIS TO ME!

I was told the excitement could be heard in my voice as I called EVERYONE I knew and told them of his progress. Who wouldn't be busting at the seams with this happening!

It has been an INCREDIBLE WEEK!

Six Random Things

Lets see what is on my mind now

1. I have a slight case of OCD and have found this very difficult to deal with when you have children who have no concept of time or picking things up

2. I LOVE to cook, I am not so much of a baker because it takes too long but I love to try a new recipe

3. I can be a real BITCH if I get really mad. It takes a lot to get me to that point but once I am there...........it's on. Long story but just ask my old room mate

4. My absolute favorite sound in the world is hearing the boys laugh and play, my least favorite is to hear them scream

5. I am a middle child

6. I am older than my hubby

The balloon fiasco

I know everyone likes to brag on their kids, but this is a really cute story and I just have to share!

We were given balloons at therapy today because Children's Theater was there and Peanut totally had a fit about taking the balloons. I couldn't understand why he didn't want the balloons. On the way out to the car I realized why he didn't want them when he kept telling me "Hold on balloons Momma, hold on" and he kept watching them very closely. It finally clicked that he was scared that we were going to loose the balloons like we did after a birthday party in December. (Talk about memory, WOW!) He was ok once we got the balloons in the car. Well Sweet Pea let go of one as we were getting out of the car at home and it was gone. Peanut lost it and began to scream and yell for the balloon. He even took the other balloon himself into the house and hid it safely in his closet so it wouldn't fly off. As he is screaming I told him it was ok for the balloon to fly up in the sky and that we were giving it to Jesus. He seemed ok with that answer and when his brother said "balloon" he responded with " It ok, Sweet Pea we give it to Jesus"

Is your heart melting or what?! How cool is that!
I guess I've done something right if he wants to give his balloon to Jesus

What the!!??!!

How can a person who spends one hour with my child once a week possibly think they know more about my child than I do? Preview into our big meeting in two weeks, it is not going to be a friendly meeting.

This Speech Therapist thinks that she knows more than a multi-diciplinary group about Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorders? She told me today that they have his diagnosis all wrong and he has OCD and ADD. HMMM where is your PHD? I'm sorry but I am more inclined to believe the people who are trying to help my child than those who are trying to get out of it.

And get this she said his teacher sees ABSOLUTELY NO difference in him and the rest of the kids in his class and she has a note to prove it. I'm sorry but ARE YOU KIDDDING me you honestly see no difference in the language??!! The kid can't tell you what he did today but that is normal for a 4 year old? Um I don't think so. I am so glad next year he will have a liscenced teacher and not just someone's mom that needed to get out of the house!

Who needs to talk

Well as most of you know, Peanut is not so good with communication. He is a man of little words. Obviously talking is not important when you are as goodlooking as he is. I went to pick him up from school yesterday and what did I see but a harem of girls surrounding him and two were holding his hands. He walked out of the gate to get me and these little girls were climbing on the fence yelling "Bye Peanut". His father would have been so proud to see that moment.



Who can blame them, look at those big blue eyes and the blonde hair, I mean the boy has got it going on. Then you add the killer smile.....



No girl stands a chance.

We ran into his teacher at the store today and she informed me that he has a little "girlfriend" at school. They always eat lunch together and yesterday he helped her clean up her lunch because she got in trouble for not doing it. What a little man.

We had a little conversation tonight

Us: Peanut do you have a girlfriend
Peanut: Yes
Us: really, who is your girlfriend
Peanut: Book (well that is how he pronounces it so...)

Well "Book" is not the girl from school she is another girl friend so we asked if he had anymore girlfreinds and he said yes....."Little Red", still not the girl from school. So I guess he has MANY "girlfriends".

Is it just me or are they starting younger these days?

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry to all you mothers of "Perfect" children because mine are definitely not

I'm sorry to all you mothers who do not understand that a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder does not behave like your perfect little angels

I'm sorry that you are so narrow minded that you feel that only you know how to parent

I'm sorry but your "If you put enough fear in them they will listen" does not work with children with Autism, they only retreat further if you scare them

I'm sorry that you don't understand that a younger sibling ALWAYS looks to the older for how to act and when that sibling has Autism they may pick up some bad behaviors

I'm sorry you feel that it is your right to judge me, I thought that God was to be the only one to pass judgement

I'm sorry thzt you are so perfect yourself that you can't understand that shit happens

I am so very sorry that you will never fully understand what a blessing this child is

I'm sorry if you are reading this and came for entertainment and only got my ranting

OK, I am DONE apologizing

I am NOT sorry that God entrusted me with this perfect little angel

I am NOT sorry that he had so much faith in me that he thought I would be able to love and nurture a child with a disability

I am NOT sorry that I choose not to SCARE my children into submission

I am NOT sorry for the choices I make

Amazing art`

Peanut had a birthday party to attend today for a little girl in his class. According to her he is her favorite person even grandma and grandpa were checking him out because she talks so much about him. How cute is that! I have a little stud muffin on my hands here. Apparently two other little girls in his class say the same thing. Hmmm, what really goes on in preschool.

One of the gifts the little girl got was a hand painted canvas with her name and the meaning of it. It was so beautiful. It was done by one of the other moms in his class. This woman does some amazing artwork! For Christmas she hand painted an ornament for each child that had them on it, and the detail on these were phenomenal! So I overhear her talking to another mom, this one I didn't know, and she is now making them to sell. You have to go check out her site.

http://busybelleart.blogspot.com/2008/03/blog-post.html

I am getting the canvas with the boys names on it. If you tell her the style you want and colors she can do it to your specifications.

Quiet time

I do so enjoy the quiet time I so rarely get. I used to hate silence and always had the television or radio on for "background" noise. Crazy what motherhood does to you. I am sitting her in complete silence, well other than the tapping of the keyboard. Sheer BLISS!